You know you are getting old when:

...you post in forums on a Friday evening.

 

I’m hardly ancient (that’s my story and I’m sticking to it), but I’ve long found the best place to be on Friday night is in my own quiet home. Even back during my carousing days I preferred saloons with plenty of unoccupied seats, which was far likelier to be found on a Monday or Tuesday.

 

. . . when you've been receiving "special offers" and "invitations to join" the AARP for more than 40 years . . . .

 

The summer temperatures appear to have forced the hipsters here to abandon their usual plaid flannel uniforms in favor of tie-dyed and ironic tee shirts. The neck beards, top knots, and faux tortoise/horn-rimmed eyeglasses seem to still be popular though.

Not only that, but they finally create high definition televisions just as my eyes are going bad.

My wife and I started getting those when we were in our mid-40s. We figured if they were stupid enough to send them to us that we'd fill them out to see if they still wanted us younguns. I guess they did, 'cause we've been members for about 15 years now. I really don't see the advantage though, 'cause nobody seems willing to give us the discounts they say we're supposed to get.

 

Ha ha ha I have been getting senior discounts since I was 50. It started when I saw a poster at the library offering "how to use a computer" classes to seniors over 45. I thought , if that is the definition of a senior now I qualify. I found that teenagers at fast food places and stores would give me the discount without question. Older clerks might say "you don't look 65" and I would say "I take vitamins".

 

...when you don't feel joy by the thought of visiting friends and having to stay the night on other mattresses.

 

Watching I Love Lucy and my 10 yr old granddaughter asked where all the color went?

 

When all your junk mail consists of oversized paperboard postcards selling hearing aids & from crematoriums. What happened to all the hunting & fishing catalogs, & speed & performance catalogs I used to get?

 

Wen you add a hearing aid to your iPhone emoji.



Steven

 

A month doesn’t go by that I don’t get at least a couple of mail solicitations from undertakers. Those offering cremations only (there’s more of them than I ever realized) are big on direct mail. I half expect them to offer sale pricing. Get your decrepit self reduced to ashes now before the price goes up!

 

Every once in a while we'll get some sort of advertising from Joe Schmoe's Crematorium and Donuts, but Rose Hills Memorial Park & Mortuary (allegedly the largest cemetery in North America) is within walking distance from our house and they're kind enough to send us sales propaganda two or three times a year. I haven't yet decided what should be done with my dead carcass 'cause I won't really care then.

 

Possibly donate it to Bodyworlds ?

 

That would probably be preferable to donating it for medical or military experimentation. The father of a good friend did that and, it turns out, if there's anything left when they're done they return the remains to the family for disposal.

 

Hard customs!

At this end the respective medical facilities run their own, small funeral grounds where the cremated remains of donated bodies get periodically buried, the families get invited to attend the ceremony.

 

I can't imagine it would cost much to do that here in the U.S. as well, but everything in this country boils down to who's paying for it.

 

Didn’t those customers already pay with their bodies?

 

Everything everywhere boils down to who's paying for it. It's just that in some places and circumstances it's more transparent than others.

 

Once you strip everything away except for the basic construction materials we humans ain't worth nearly as much as we think we are. I can't imagine the resale value on a damaged rotting corpse is enough to cover the cost of cooking that corpse in a retort at 1800-2000°F for three hours.

 

That’s indeed a very Americano thought pattern......the currency I meant to be paid with is knowledge, the body’s just the purse......what might be a very European point of view...

 

I've never really cared about what happens to my carcass when I go. Just stand me out on the sidewalk with the old branches and the bags of leaves.