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Discussion in 'The Observation Bar' started by GHT, Apr 18, 2014.
You notice that your right arm is two inches longer than your left, and you don't even care.
My arms appear to be the same length (close enough, anyway) but my right hip is 1/2" lower than my left, which (according to one of my doctors) is contributing to my back problems. This was discovered in late 2005, and the solution was to wear a 5/16" thick felt pad in all of my right shoes. My doctor (now retired, of course) said it would only be temporary until my hips evened themselves out, but that never happened so those pads have/will become a permanent modification to every new pair of shoes I'll wear until the day I die...probably.
That was explained to me by my surgeon prior to my hip replacement. He said that the artificial hip joint and the new ball at the top of the femur, must fit exactly in line with the other leg, otherwise I would limp and get chronic back pain. Made me realise just how much of a skill the operation is.
For me it would be taking a long time to think of a place in my body where I never experienced pain. (And I am not even really all that old - 40 yrs.)
Facts about getting old.
When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison! To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.
When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects. I had my patience tested. I'm negative. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers. If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say "Did you bring the money?"
When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 is the new midnight. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever. I run like the winded.
I hate it when a couple argue in public and I missed the beginning. I don't know whose side I'm on.
When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"
When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminium can stuffed with celery?
I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "East."
It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.
Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.
That moment when you walk into a spider web and very suddenly it turns you into a karate master.
Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
My father is 82, 83 next January. It's just as it is, senseless to think about. No dementia and sill looking 15 years younger. Just classic stubborn like a little child, unable to educate himself in any way.
He wanted TURP in the hospital of our neighbour smalltown, now he has to deal with it! Senseless to tell these old people about alternatives.
Reminds me of the flyer notice I got in the mail not that long ago for Medicare. I didn't realize I was that old already...40 years...for Medicare?
Oh good grief. I guess I can die now, 'cause I've seen it all.
I had to look up Selfieccino. Am horrified that it is an actual thing. Sheesh.
It’s for Beckys, Karens and Susans I think. ...
Pretty much for any Millennial.
It’s a thing for basic white women:
Basic Becky (high school senior who wears Ugg boots) has a selfieccino so she can photograph it on Instagram. Her mom, dyed-blonde Karen, joins in to show that she’s still young at heart. Susan, Karen’s annoying and obese co-worker, tags along with them and keeps saying ‘it’s sooo exciting’.
Afterwards they all pile into Karen’s car (white, of course) and drive to a [Bartender Edit: Please be reminded that the Lounge operates a strict NO POLITICS rule.] rally.
I saw it coming.
Electronic chain store got not more usual mobile phone accus on stock. Have to be ordered at the instore online-service point!
...winter and summer wheels get constantly heavier each year, lugging them to storage in cellar and back for swap.
He’s tall and muscular and an in-demand fashion model. At 80 years old, Wang Deshun is known as “China’s hottest grandpa”. If you need a little inspiration, look no further...
I don’t think I’ll make it to 80 years and in fact I’m already the daylight foot double for Gollum.
Extra-coloured Chrysanthemes, hm...
You are definitely getting old when you can remember song lyrics from fifty years ago, but you can't, for the life of you, remember why you just walked into this room.
...you swap your BMW from M to X.