Are you ever tired of explaining why you live or dress the way you do?

St. Louis · Jan 10, 2013

sheeplady said:
There are all sorts of people who can't change something about their appearance and deal with nasty looks and comments all the time. And believe me, if I'm getting a nasty look for wearing my hair in a vintage scarf, imagine the looks these nasty people give others with visible disabilities or people who aren't the "correct" race, ethnicity, age, whatever.

This is such a wise and considerate comment. Thanks, sheeplady. What I'm taking from this comment is that every person who is true to him-or herself, and expresses that fearlessly (in a nice way) is actually striking a quiet blow against conformity and making the world a tiny bit safer for the outliers.

I wear the clothes and live with the household goods of the golden era because I feel at home with them. That's it -- no other reason. I just feel good and right. I'm not even sure I can explain it by saying they're more aesthetically pleasing or better in some way. In reality, there are some beautiful modern fashions and furnishings out there -- they just don't do anything for me. I don't judge them negatively, I'm simply not interested. When someone asks me about it, that's what I tell them.

I find it interesting, though, that those people who choose to dress / live in some slightly nonconformist fashion are expected to be able to explain / defend their choices. Fair enough, I suppose. But wouldn't it also be useful for the conformists to have to explain their choices? You know, the "unexamined life," and all that.

LocktownDog · Jan 10, 2013

sheeplady said:
There are all sorts of people who can't change something about their appearance and deal with nasty looks and comments all the time. And believe me, if I'm getting a nasty look for wearing my hair in a vintage scarf, imagine the looks these nasty people give others with visible disabilities or people who aren't the "correct" race, ethnicity, age, whatever.

You, my dear, are a fantastically beautiful person. This is a great post. :eusa_clap

rue · Jan 11, 2013

MikeBravo said:
Aaah yes. The gorgeous woman inside the clothes. Can't discount that

Thank you Mike

rue · Jan 11, 2013

Amy Jeanne said:
I compliment other women if they are in vintage -- which is hardly ever. lol I only see my "kindred spirits" at the bar on Sunday nights. And the compliments fly out of my mouth!

No one has ever said anything if I wear seamed stockings. I get nothing but compliments if I wear one of my vintage dresses I made. More people want to see/know about my tattoos than anything I'm wearing. I don't get tired of explaining anything -- I enjoy it. That seems rude to me -- even if I'm just thinking it and not actually being rude to the person. I am doing something out of the norm so I expect comments/questions.

I honestly don't mind the positive comments and have gotten used to the odd stares, but it's just that sometimes, I want to slip in and out of places without being noticed. The reason I asked if anyone felt this way was because I had to run into a CVS and buy some medicine and the whole time I was being giggled at by teenagers and sneered at by some middle aged folks. I just wasn't in the mood to brush it off. The funny thing is, is that I was just wearing a housedress and a ponytail. It's not like I was dressed in complete 40s attire or anything.

sheeplady · Jan 11, 2013

LocktownDog said:
You, my dear, are a fantastically beautiful person. This is a great post. :eusa_clap

Awww... you made my day. Thank you.

St. Louis said:
This is such a wise and considerate comment. Thanks, sheeplady. What I'm taking from this comment is that every person who is true to him-or herself, and expresses that fearlessly (in a nice way) is actually striking a quiet blow against conformity and making the world a tiny bit safer for the outliers.

Yes, I think so too. I have a lot greater respect for people who dress alternatively now; we're kind of in the same boat. But I also have a ton of respect for people who can't "conform." There's a young gentleman who rides my bus sometimes and he is obviously special needs, but high functioning. He often gets a lot of stares, primarily because he's really friendly. Most people don't bother to interact with him at all, but I always say hello back. (I don't think he's dangerous.) Once he commented on how nicely I was dressed (as did the bus driver). The young man was wearing a hat and I complimented him saying "A gentleman always looks so handsome in a hat." He was absolutely gushing and I think it's the first time anybody on the bus has treated him normally (that I've seen). A couple people on the bus looked at me like I was crazy for starting a conversation with him instead of just ignoring him. If I was dressed normally, he wouldn't have started that conversation, and I really feel like that gave him a bit of well-deserved normalcy through chatting with him. I got some of the nicest compliments from him that I've ever gotten from a stranger. It really made my day.

I'm not telling that story to pat myself on the back because all I did was talk to him. But I had a very rewarding interaction with someone who I think felt he could approach me in a much more personal way because I was wearing vintage, and like him, was kind of an outsider. And because I've experienced wearing vintage and some cruel looks I could more easily emphasize with how he was feeling and as a result was much more invested in the conversation because I also knew he was an outsider and what that feels like. If I wasn't a vintage wearer, it never would have happened. And quite honestly, that interaction made my life better, even if it didn't have any lasting effect on him.

rue · Jan 11, 2013

Kathleen'sMeg43 said:
I understand completely how the first poster feels. In public I usually hear nice things, sadly it's from my Family I get the weird looks and snide comments.

My Aunt once said "It's time for her to grow up and stop playing dress- up" (I'm 21)

So I agree, There's times that just don't feel like "Red Lipstick" days.

I get them from family too. My mother said to me recently "Are you telling me that you're really never going to dress normal?!" I'm 43, so it's not just because you're young.

I've stopped wearing red lips during the day, when I don't want attention called to me. It seems to be a green light to get random comments.

Oh and by the way, welcome to the Fedora Lounge

rue · Jan 11, 2013

PrettySquareGal said:
Yesterday I had tea with a woman whom I hope to avoid in the future. I mentioned that I enjoy keeping house, cleaning, organizing and cooking. She gave me a death stare and said she had NEVER heard ANYBODY say they like doing those things other than cooking.

My issue isn't so much with disbelief it's more about a lack of manners and graceful communications in place today.

Had this woman said she never heard that before, but took a respectful tone and perhaps asked "Oh, what do you enjoy about it? Maybe I can learn something" it would be different.

PrettySquareGal said:
Agreed. I asked her what she likes to do for fun. She stared and then said "I don't know." She wasn't passionate about anything.

I'm sorry, but she sounds like an idiot.

rue · Jan 11, 2013

Kento said:
Well, I guess compared to California / Arizona they probably do.... Business casual has spread over here but not quite to the level of California. And you do run into people in vintage clothing, but mostly people over 50. The occassional hobo in an (old) suit and tie can still be seen around here, too. However, for people around 30 like me, "American style" (i.e. very casual) has become the norm in Germany.

I find that sad.

LocktownDog said:
You, my dear, are a fantastically beautiful person. This is a great post. :eusa_clap

I agree

missjo · Jan 13, 2013

I don't mind explaining my lifestyle again and again and again...
Because every time this happens I am given a chance to make someone look at life in a different way and in many cases I make them see my way of life and even make them think about the bad sides of modern life and why my vintage lifestyle may actually be pretty awesome.

LizzieMaine · Jan 13, 2013

I don't think of myself as any kind of flag-waving nonconformist or alternative person -- I'm standing in the same place I've always stood, with the same values I was raised with. If the world wants to think I'm a rebel or non-conformist, that's their problem, not mine. Rebellion and non-conformity nowadays are just marketing concepts anyway.

Asienizen · Jan 14, 2013

It could be the demographics that is the biggest issue with the reactions. When I lived in Minneapolis I was always in collared shirts, fedoras, overcoats, blazers and a pipe. I usually got compliments, or maybe just an odd glance. Maybe I just got mistaken for a hipster in urban areas, yet people in the burbs often complimented me as well.

Now that I live in the far east, people tend to dress a bit more flashy anyways, and since I am a tall white-guy, they just assume that I dress different because I'm a foreigner. So no problem.
Sorry to hear bout all the grief, some people are lemmings who haven't developed their own personal style. Therefore seeing someone that has developed this is something that really hasn't occurred to them.

Binary Blue · Jan 14, 2013

I live on a college campus.

In the beginning, I had to explain to a lot of people that I collect militaria because I like history. They're a lot more accepting of it now.

I generally chose items that at least looked civilian so I can wear them outside occasionally.

For example, I wear a Belgian overcoat on rainy/cold days.

I got some stares, but also lots of compliments ("Nice coat").

Some people snickered and made snide comments. One girl called my coat a "Nazi coat". When I asked why, she said it was because "It was long."

However, I quickly realized that no matter how much they laugh and stare, I'm still the one that's not freezing and wet when it's pouring and windy outside.

Edward · Jan 14, 2013

Kento said:
Well, I guess compared to California / Arizona they probably do.... Business casual has spread over here but not quite to the level of California.

Interestingly enough, "dress down Friday" has largely disappeared in the City here. A lot of companies seem to have found a real problem creating a dress code that was still suitably professional but had some element of "casual". Most men hated it - not least because the chief difference was that you could wear trousers of a different colour to your jacket, and occasionally no tie. Many found it such a chore to decide what to wear, preferring the ease of conforming to a "work uniform" the rest of the week.

Asienizen said:
Now that I live in the far east, people tend to dress a bit more flashy anyways, and since I am a tall white-guy, they just assume that I dress different because I'm a foreigner. So no problem.

Yes, the liberating effect of knowing you'll stick out no matter what you wear, so.....

Beijing is probably the only place I've worn Oxford bags without comment. The funniest one, though, was one day in London some kids laughed at my bags, when the only difference between the cut of my trousers and their jeans was that my waist band was on my waist, not under my bum. lol

Binary Blue said:
Some people snickered and made snide comments. One girl called my coat a "Nazi coat". When I asked why, she said it was because "It was long."

Next time that happens, just say "I find that offensive, I'm Jewish". Hilarity ensues.

CaramelSmoothie · Jan 14, 2013

I don't dress vintage, although I do wear dresses and skirts more than the average woman in these parts but it's not vintage at all. The only thing I wear vintage are hats and some vintage inspired shoes because I find the heel height more comfortable than modern shoes. I'm in jeans most of the time. I do get a lot of comments on my hats but it is never rude. Honestly, I can understand why people would look at someone who dresses in fashions that have long since come and gone as unusual because you just don't see it too often. I believe in a live and let live philosophy so if I saw someone dress vintage I would never walk up to them and question them or make them feel uncomfortable by staring and giggling, that's just silly and uncalled for. But I must admit, I too wonder why anybody would want to live 24/7 in a time period that no longer exists and I have often wondered if with SOME of the people (some, not all) who do this if there are some underlying psychological reasons that they feel they must hold on to a distant past that is gone forever. Nevertheless, when it comes down to it, it's none of my business how another adult chooses to live their lives.

rue · Jan 14, 2013

CaramelSmoothie said:
But I must admit, I too wonder why anybody would want to live 24/7 in a time period that no longer exists and I have often wondered if with SOME of the people (some, not all) who do this if there are some underlying psychological reasons that they feel they must hold on to a distant past that is gone forever.

My mother thinks the same thing lol

In reality, it's just that I think women looked better in those days, more feminine, if you will. I feel at home in my clothes and much better than I ever did when I was wearing the modern looking stuff to fit in. You also can't beat the prices and quality

As far as the lifestyle, I was raised this way.

missjo · Jan 14, 2013

I wonder why anybody would want to live 24/7 in the current time period.

sheeplady · Jan 14, 2013

I think the thing to consider is that what one person considers the past is not the same as what another does. If you look at the past and say "no way could I live back then!" it could be that the person who thinks "Yes- I want to live back then!" might see the past in a totally different way than you. Neither of you is more "correct" than the other because there is no one correct interpretation of the past anymore than there is one correct interpretation of the present.

fashion frank · Jan 14, 2013

m0nk said:
I don't have to explain anything to anyone.

I'm eccentric and everyone 'round me knows it. I wear fedoras, dress a little more old fashioned than most, and smoke a pipe. I also drink quite a bit and like to have a good time...

Boy can I relate , I don't give a rat's *ss what people think about me or the way I live and or dress.
The funny thing is I always get ton's of complements all the time , I was even out with my wife and some dame said I look handsome , go figure??

All the Best, Fashion Frank

LizzieMaine · Jan 14, 2013

rue said:
My mother thinks the same thing lol

In reality, it's just that I think women looked better in those days, more feminine, if you will. I feel at home in my clothes and much better than I ever did when I was wearing the modern looking stuff to fit in. You also can't beat the prices and quality

As far as the lifestyle, I was raised this way.

Indeed. The past isn't dead. It isn't even past.

CaramelSmoothie · Jan 14, 2013

missjo said:
I wonder why anybody would want to live 24/7 in the current time period.

unfortunately we don't have a choice. All I was saying is that I can understand people being dumbfounded when a person walks in a room dressed vintage because it is not an everyday sight for many people. It would be like a person who loved 1800s fashion and decided to wear those big hoop dresses and the elaborate hairstyles everyday. Can you imagine the ruckus they would cause everywhere they went? LOL

Are you ever tired of explaining why you live or dress the way you do?

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