We have a long running "Do Men Hate Women's Hats." So how about equal time? Some hats work on men. Some hats balance the shape of a man's head quite well, and work with the man rather than against him. But some hats make a man look ridiculous -- ultra-narrow brim trilbies that look like somebody dropped a black felt flowerpot on the wearer's head, oversized fedoras that make the wearer look like that Rocky-the-Gangster character from "Looney Tunes," dumb-looking Army-knockoff "jeep caps" with a too-tall crown that makes the wearer's head look like it comes to a point, Panama hats worn in the wintertime, Amish hats worn by anyone who isn't Amish, those leather "biker hats" that try to look tough but only make the wearer look like a bellhop with an S&M fetish, any kind of nautical headgear -- captain's hats, gob hats, Greek fisherman caps -- worn by anyone who has not the actual tang o' the sea about them, ten-gallon cowboy hats worn by those who appear to be a quart low, and any kind of big fur hat with any sort of animal appendage hanging from it. All of these hats I've seen coming into the theatre at one time of the other, atop the heads of men who seem utterly clueless as to the spectacle they're making of themselves. A guy came in the other night wearing a skunk-fur hat made from an actual whole skunk, with the head, tail, and legs hanging down intact, and I had to bite my tongue so hard it bled. Enough already. The ubiquitous baseball caps don't bother me anywhere near as much as elaborately inappropriate headpieces. A man in a ballcap, no matter what kind, is saying "hey, I'm just going about my business, whatever." A man with a fancy-ass hat that's obviously wrong for his head and face shape -- or is just too too too -- is saying "hey, I think I'm cool. Am I cool? I don't know. Please somebody tell me I'm cool." There now. I got that off my chest.