One big Fedora Lounge family

[rue]

10,232, busy girl.

What can I say? I love my family

How about Aunty's gramophone Sunday sing along in the parlor? Can't forget that!

Cicely Courtneidge -- We'll All Go Riding On A Rainbow (1933)
featured, appropriately enough, in the film Aunt Sally

lol

I can be the cousin who drops in from time to time. Unsure still of where I fit in, I mingle from room to room, grabbing a snack until someone approaches me. But being the reporter, constantly is greeted by relatives who end every conversation with "the reporter is here," "you gotta watch what you say, she'll write a column about it," or what's happening in town."

Wait a minute, that's just happened at my own house this week.

Everyone mind your Ps & Qs! That reporter just came in :eeek:

 

[rue]

Grampa was a war hero, joined the RAF before US got into the war. Got shot down behind enemy lines. Rescued by Soviet agents from POW camp. Spent the rest of the war going from town to town. Told me that the Jerries wouldn't bust in if you were in the middle of getting it on. So he was able to elude capture by bedding sympathetic partisan babes across Europe. Grandma had no idea. He ended upwith a tattoo of a Balanese dancer across his chest, never talked about it.
He was faking symptoms so that the VA would give him more medicine , at no cost to him. He had been selling the extra meds to some pals who actually needed it. Cousin Jack found out and was blackmailing him for a cut from his social security check and his VA bennies. Jack started to take bigger cuts until Grandpa was selling his blood pressure meds for grocery money. Grandma found out and started giving him half of her meds. Uncontrolled blood pressure caused micro strokes leading to vascular dementia in Grandpa and eventually to heart failure in Grandma. I tried to help, too late.

:tsk:

 

[amador]

Of course this is too complicated to explain to the family. It's easier to blame me. Cousin Jack has three kids, by just as many women, he's a real charmer. They are staying with his mother, she's planning to adopt them, take the heat off the rest of the family. She asked me for some money to pay for a vasectomy for Jack, she's had it with the second time around. The kid's are ok. Lawrence is a dark haired kid, not too bright. Molly, blond kid, smarter than her sibs, blond nonetheless. Then there is Josephine, curly red hair, my favorite. Yeah one of each. Maybe it was my fondness for little red headed Jo. Someone make a crack about the three stooges at thanksgiving and I lost it. Should've waited until dinner was over before starting the fight. Everybody was all healed up for Christmas, at least that was what I was told. I can't stand the Stooges, never did.

 

[HoosierDaddy]

Of course this is too complicated to explain to the family. It's easier to blame me. Cousin Jack has three kids, by just as many women, he's a real charmer. They are staying with his mother, she's planning to adopt them, take the heat off the rest of the family. She asked me for some money to pay for a vasectomy for Jack, she's had it with the second time around. The kid's are ok. Lawrence is a dark haired kid, not too bright. Molly, blond kid, smarter than her sibs, blond nonetheless. Then there is Josephine, curly red hair, my favorite. Yeah one of each. Maybe it was my fondness for little red headed Jo. Someone make a crack about the three stooges at thanksgiving and I lost it. Should've waited until dinner was over before starting the fight. Everybody was all healed up for Christmas, at least that was what I was told. I can't stand the Stooges, never did.

Listen...I wanna hear about what happened to the ex-wife and Effie her younger sister. I think that you may be leaving all the real juicy parts out. We're all grownups here...well..most of us anyways....

 

[rue]

Listen...I wanna hear about what happened to the ex-wife and Effie her younger sister. I think that you may be leaving all the real juicy parts out. We're all grownups here...well..most of us anyways....

Hey! I can be a grown up

 

[Formeruser012523]

Bwahahaha!! *points*

:laugh:

 

[Miss sofia]

Mr VCB - that cheered up my flu riddled ole carcass no end, well done!;:eusa_clap

Amador - i think we all need a stiff drink and possibly a cigarillo, then we can really start to get to the nitty-gritty stuff! I'm hooked!!

 

[rue]

I hope you feel better soon Miss S

 

[MissMittens]

I would be the sibling no one talks about, the one in the sanitarium (not to be confused with Santorum) :lol:

 

[V.C. Brunswick]

Mr VCB - that cheered up my flu riddled ole carcass no end, well done!;:eusa_clap

Amador - i think we all need a stiff drink and possibly a cigarillo, then we can really start to get to the nitty-gritty stuff! I'm hooked!!

Hope you are feeling better, Miss S. Here's Dame Cicely with her husband Jack Hulbert

I Was Anything But Sentimental (1937)
[video=youtube;WVMOnunyGJo]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WVMOnunyGJo[/video]

 

[amador]

Hoosier Daddy, I don't like taking about my ex or being asked about her. Let's start with the sister. So she is going by Effie now. That dosn't change the past. She had a daugher, Claire, a looker like her Aunt. Effie encouraged her relationship with a not to bright athletic type in high school. Chosen birth control was a Special Visit to the OB/GYN, several times. Sure enough Mr Football couldn't get a job after graduation. Then 9-11 happened and he got patriotic and decided he wanted to be a War Hero like Grampa. Grampa told him he was crazy. He joined up anyway and ended up in the infantry. Effie told Claire to marry him before he shipped out. Her logic was that if he came back a Dead Hero Claire would be set up with military death benefits. If he came back alive she could just divorce him, claiming that he had PTSD or something that had changed him. Of course because they lived in California she could sue for alimony.
Interesting wedding. Catholics do interesting symbolic stuff. I wasn't the only one who noticed that the Virgin Mary had been lowered down from her niche and the stained glass window about Mary Magdalen was lit up.
So our war Hero in the making set out to defend Western Civilization from the agents of chaos, anarchy and fear. Got to close to an IED in Iraq and lost the family jewels. Smart guy had a sample of his sperm frozen just in case. Meanwhile Claire had been comforted by his high school buddies. She got thru the defensive line up and made her way to the wide receivers and tight ends and got Pelvic Inflamatory Disease. That scarred up her plumbing so that she can't have children. I found out because Effie asked me if there was a way to sell the frozen sperm. Messy divorce. He ended up finishing the job that an IED had started. I hear the note he left was full of misspelled words and bad grammer, no surprise.

Sophie, I need another drink, things are starting to clear up.

 

[Old Rogue]

Me thinks we have the makings of an excellent film noir script on this thread!

 

[amador]

I'm just getting warmed up.

I'll try to face my demons and say a few chosen words about that Female of Canine Persuasion, the ex.

Stay tuned.

 

[Travis Lee Johnston]

Zing!

 

[rue]

Zing!

Travis.... you're definitely the comedian in the family

 

[amador]

In my most cynical and self centered musings I had figured that the closest I could come to cloning myself was to impregnate a woman who expressed recessive genetics. Turned out that she was a hot red head. We couldn’t keep off each other. We played Ricky and Lucy all night long. Sure enough our son is a splitting image: tall, dark and brutally handsome. His mother is terminally vain.

She got rid of the second pregnancy without telling me. After I found out and confronted her with “Lucy you have a lot of ‘splaining to do” she told me that she couldn’t figure out who the father was. I only hoped that the other guy was getting the sloppy seconds. This is when I started drinking and keeping track of her and her periods. A year later she got pregnant again. Turned out I got the sloppy seconds that time around. That wasn’t bad enough. It was like a cheap cliché manifesting itself. Of course it was my best friend, who else. I didn’t contest the divorce; I gave her everything, the house, the car, the bank account and the investment properties. I walked away with only the clothes on my back, the Fedora Grampa had given me and visitation rights in exchange for child support.

Interesting medical issues. My buddy has only one testicle, like Hitler. He thought that made him infertile at least that was what the tests showed. He had given up the idea of having children. So the child he fathered with my ex was an improbable miracle and the first termination was probably mine. She told me that she could feel the ecstatic moment of conception just like she did with our son.

Natural selection in the animal world; the female choses. I never thought Darwin would predict my personal life, smart guy.

I need another drink, things are starting to clear up.

 

[HoosierDaddy]

I'm confused. Could we have had the same ex-wife? Redhead named Lucy....tall offspring named Lum who played the electric accordian? A tattoo on her cheek 'Fly Me To Splain'. A slight whine to her voice when she declared 'Make me!'. Could bake a mean Idaho potato...but with a Jersey accent. The carpet did match the drapes...even though shag and mullet had long gone out of style. After graduating the Naval school...chased after seamen? Same one..by chance?

 

[rue]

I think you two have lost it lol

 

[Justin B]

I think you two have lost it lol

So what you're saying is...

It's gone?

 

[rue]

lol....

shhhhhhhh don't start that or the thread will get shut down :eeek: