post-break up interests changing

[pigeon toe]

I couldn't think of a good title for this, so let me explain!

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years. It was a pretty amicable break up and fairly mutual. I was the one who officially ended things. It's been over for about 2 months now, and though I miss him, things have been going very well for me.

He was the one who got me into psychobilly and rockabilly and through those things, I got into vintage. Since the break up I have had almost no interest in any of the above! I haven't really been curling my hair, worn no vintage since Christmas, and skipped the Vintage Fashion Expo (my bank account's probably thanking me for that one). I've even been thinking of getting a slightly different haircut so my hair will look nicer when I wear it straight! Now that's just crazy talk!

I was wondering, have any of you ever experienced this? Now I definitely did not get into vintage directly because of him or for him, so it's not like it wasn't something genuinely important to me. I'm not sure how to motivate myself to dress up again or anything.

Also, now I'm finally feeling what some of you have mentioned -- that sense of difference or awkwardness when you dress up in vintage. Now that I don't have a guy telling me how great I look done up all 40's, I suddenly feel a little strange doing it.

I don't know if this is appropriate to post here, but if any of you have any thoughts or experiences with this, I'd love to hear them.

 

[Lotta Little]

I think this is along the lines of how some girls get a drastically different haircut or color after a break-up. There's been a big change, and in a very real way you are not the same person you were before, so a part of you wants to reflect that. Also, he encouraged you in your vintage style and now you don't have that support, so it's harder to do it even if you love it. Give yourself some time, and if you feel "awkward" in your vintage outfits, come tell us about it here. We've got your back, PT!

 

[Miss_Bella_Hell]

I think that wearing vintage all the time can be limiting. It's fun, but then it's boring. It's unique, but sometimes you feel like an idiot for wearing this old stuff. For me anyway, it's a natural cycle. If you're not into it now, don't force it! The skirts and dresses will be there. In the mean time, use the apathy to clean your closet out of things that you kept but never wore or liked!!

 

[carter]

pigeon toe, From a male point of view, I agree with the advice you have received. I also want to encourage you to expand your horizons. Times like these are when some folks feel like they're emerging from a chrysalis/getting out of a rut/ready to try new things. While this may not be totally true for you, now is a good time to spread your wings a bit and see what interests you want to explore beyond vintage fashion. A love of vintage is just part of who you are.

 

[RebeccaMUA]

You shouldn't feel like you "have" to dress vintage all the time if you don't feel the need to. You can always dress "vintage inspired" (like me) or just wear something classic.

Instead of wearing a vintage dress, slip on a skirt and a cardigan. You can still dress to feel feminine without having to feel like you are playing the part of someone you are not

 

[VintageRed]

PT, I think that what you're feeling is completely natural.

Part of what happens when we sever ties to a long term relationship is just that....you want to sever all the ties. And if vintage, in any way, reminds you of that person or is tied to them, you may feel the need to cut off from that for a while until you can see vintage as a completely separate desire from your ex.

Sometimes, in the interest of self-preservation, we have to give up the things we enjoy until we can see them in a light that's exclusive of the relationship they might have begun in.

Ultimately, if vintage is something that is truly important to you, then give it time. It will come back to you in a way that you fully own for yourself and can enjoy, regardless of anyone else.

Hang in there hon!

Three cheers,


~Red

 

[MissAmelina]

I *heart* what Vintage Red has said above.....

What you are experiencing is totally normal.....if we all stayed the same, life would be pretty darned limiting and boring. A phoenix from the flames...and right now you are just burning a little.

When I look at old pictures of myself, I went thru HUGE physical/fashion metamorphisis with each major life shift and I am hardly recognizable from year to year.

Like highschool in the 80s...preppy, new wave, hippie. In my early 20's I only wore vintage dresses from the 40s and 50s, then I moved back into a no makeup hairy legs hippy grateful dead thang because a guy I dated was totally into that. We broke up after 6 years, so I ditched my tie-dyes and went back to college---because I was surrounded by "youngins" I tried to do the youthful hot momma in skin tight modern shirts/low waisted muffin top jeans (which is SO not me).......but I was really, really lost.

I floated around wondering who the hell I was for awhile, and now I have settled very eagerly and happily back into vintage styles because it is a very honest projection of where I am right now.

Who knows what you will look like in another 5 years. Some of my closest friends were hardcore punks in the early 80s and I LOVE looking at their photos, because seeing at them now in their Prada?? ..... you would never in a million years think they had purple mohawks and staples thru their eyebrows.

Hang in there.....3 years is a significant amount of time to share with one person...it might take awhile for you to remember who *you* are. But you will, and you will feel empowered and glorious.

 

[MattJH]

Sometimes, in the interest of self-preservation, we have to give up the things we enjoy until we can see them in a light that's exclusive of the relationship they might have begun in.

I know so many people who would benefit from reading that. Very well said.

 

[Lillemor]

I think that wearing vintage all the time can be limiting. It's fun, but then it's boring. It's unique, but sometimes you feel like an idiot for wearing this old stuff. For me anyway, it's a natural cycle. If you're not into it now, don't force it! The skirts and dresses will be there. In the mean time, use the apathy to clean your closet out of things that you kept but never wore or liked!!

I think cycles in interests are normal. You may not want to do something drastic like chucking it all now but don't force it either and take your interest in a different direction if that feels right for you and when it feels right.

 

[Amy Jeanne]

You are so young. I HATE sounding like an old fogey, but when I was in my late teens/early 20s I was still searching for myself and trying on all different kinds of personas. It's when I found vintage when I was 23 that something stuck! But I still love all those personas I once adapted and they're all still a part of me.

 

[kyda]

Give yourself time to get over him, don't throw the clothes out just put them away for now and wear what you feel comfy in.

You may find that some "modern clothes" just are not comfy. It only takes one stare from a man, or a compliment from a lady when you are dressed vintage/vintage inspired to make you feel good.

But remember one thing you are a beautiful woman no matter what you wear, and we are here if you want us.

 

[Miss 1929]

Nothing is written in stone!

You may decide you miss the vintage thing and want to come back to it, whether there is a cheerleader around to tell you how cute you look or not (you know you're cute after all, no second opinion is necessary!).
It's not the end of the world, it is a time for you to take stock of what you would enjoy doing for you.
I like the above idea of using this disaffection for vintage to clear the closet of the less than perfect items. Keep a good day outfit and a good evening outfit in case you get invited to something, and then you won't feel like you have nothing.
There is so much in life to experience and enjoy, it would be a mistake for you to shut the door on this part of your life just as much as it would be to shut the door on all things non-vintage.
Best of luck with the post-relationship process!

 

[Carlisle Blues]

PT this could truly be great time in your life; if you allow it.

Time for self examination, exploration and experimentation. When I am in an exclusive relationship my life is truly enmeshed with the other person.

Being vintage or anything is merely an extension of who I am.

After an exclusive relationship has ended I need time to heal and feel renewed I need to feel that communication with myself.

After all that when I fall in love again it like I have never fallen in love before

Enjoy the Journey

 

[Tomasso]

Nothing is written in stone!

Profound words, I must say.

 

[Miss 1929]

Profound words, I must say.

I get very profound after two Martinis!

 

[Inky]

I agree with what others have said, don't throw the vintage stuff away (you may well regret that later), but wear what is comfortable to you right now and don't sweat it if your style changes.

Shedding our old selves gives way to new and improved versions all the time. My style has evolved from high school dork to 80's punk to happy homemaker to hippie to vintage off and on to everything in between. Life is too long (and short) to stick to one thing.

Just have fun finding your new self outside your old relationship and remember to be nice to yourself, change is never easy

 

[Wil Tam]

Time will heal you

You're probably thinking of him & the vintage outfits hanging in your closet are stimulating memories & it's making you melancholy because you miss him ... that'll pass ... I associate certain possessions with big events that happened in my life. Store them away for a while and when you are ready pull them back out to wear, out of sight out of mind... give yourself a break... go hang out with your girlfriends & get drunk!

----------------
Now playing: Duke Ellington - Don't You Know I Care - Take 2
via FoxyTunes

 

[Lily Powers]

Even if the break-up was friendly and the romantic relationship was ended at your initiation, you're still going to go thru a grieving process of sorts. You've lost something that was a constant in your life. All the feelings you described are normal. In time, the upheavel will calm down and you'll settle into your own style, be it vintage, vintage-sometimes or something else. Please, just promise us you won't wear anything with "Juicy" written on the derriere!

 

[RebeccaMUA]

Please, just promise us you won't wear anything with "Juicy" written on the derriere!

Hahaha! Too funny! My boyfriend absolutely HATES it when anyone wears something with words written on the bottom. He made me swear never to wear anything like that, even to sleep, lol!

 

[Anachronism]

I think this is sort of on the lines of what Red said, but what comes to mind for me is Pavlov (no, i don't think you're a drooling dog, in fact you seem like a lovely young woman), but what I mean is that you could be associating dressing vintage with him, and if those are negative feelings, you would naturally steer away from dressing vintage.

As for standing out, I feel you there. But in sort of the opposite way. My last boyfriend (and most serious relationship) was a theater guy. He dressed totally normal. Meanwhile I was this punk girl who was trying desperately not to look "tough" or "edgy" in comparison. I didn't want people to think of us as an odd couple. It was really horrible trying to get dressed and be myself when I was going out to meet him.